I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
