Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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