Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
