The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
