Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
