You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
there is glitter all over my balls
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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