i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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