Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
