Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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