There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
