The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
