so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
