So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
