Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
