his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
