Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
