I want to stick my p in your. b.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
