No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
