btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize