God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
