I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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