Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
