I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
