Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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