I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
organizing the empties. That sober.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
