I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize