so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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