Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
id be glad to
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she smelled like a LAN party
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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