did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
