Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
