Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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