Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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