Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
