If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
