guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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