I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
