I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
