gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Plan B is the new Plan A
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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