We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
