she woke up with a sticky ear
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
