How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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