Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
