the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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