upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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