hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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