a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
