me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
