i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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