with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
