Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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