Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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