Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
