All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
