i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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