i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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