i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
