Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
