I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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