Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
