First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
