Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
