I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
