What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
