I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
