Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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