i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
