..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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